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QUOTE(devilsden97 @ Oct 12, 2006 - 9:24 PM) [snapback]490974[/snapback]
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QUOTE(x_itchy_b_x @ Oct 12, 2006 - 9:23 PM) [snapback]490972[/snapback]
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Mitch headburg RIP
someone told me that if i liked Dane Cook id like mitch headburg tooo...i havent heard or seen any of his stuff tho.
You should, Mitch Hedberg is good stuff, my brother-in-law got me to listen to him.
I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens. It's a strange piece of machinery... "We will take the chicken, kill it, impale it, and then rotate it. And I'll be darned if I'm not hungry! Because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water! I like dizzy chicken. With a side of potatoes of some sort.
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs
You know, people think I'm into sports just because I'm a man. I'm not into sports. I mean, I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You could just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic. I'm thirsty for absolutely no reason. Other than the fact that liquid has not touched my lips for some time. Can I have a Gatorade too, or does that lightning bolt mean "No"?
Yeah, I'm not into sports. If I had athlete's foot, my first reaction would be, "That's not my ****ing foot."
All McDonalds commercials end the same way: "prices and participation may vary." I want to open my own McDonalds and not participate in anything. I want to be a stubborn McDonalds owner. "Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti!...And blankets. But we are not affiliated with that clown. He attracts too many children."
I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet, because Pizza Hut will accept all competitor's coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. "Mitch's Pizzeria ... This week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizzeria locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free."
I went to a pizzeria and I ordered a slice of pizza; the ****er gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the ****er gave me the 'donate to charity' slice. I would like to exchange this for the 'keep it'!
When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrenes, party of two. Dufrenes, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrenes, party of two, Dufrenes, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Busch, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to give a ****. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You people are selfish... the Dufrenes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry! That's a double whammy. We need help. Busch, search party of three! You can eat once you find the Dufrenes.
I had a bag of Fritos, but these were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbecue and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. "Better flip that Frito Dad, you know how I like mine.......with grill marks."
I bought a doughnut from a store and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. Man, I'll just give you money, then you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home, in the file... under D... for doughnut.
I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again," because apparently they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me "C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait Fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
I like waffles better than pancakes. Because waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps. They say to syrup, "You ain't going anywhere, don't even be trying to creep down the sides. Just rest in these squares, if one square is full, move to the next one. When you hit butter, split up."
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