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Mynzeyes

#1

if you don't feel like reading it...i don't care.

background: 6+ years of my life is gone...and despite the desire to be "friends"...we can't, because any attempt to talk to her, i'm accused of being nosey, and it's no longer "any of my concern" or "business".

here are some words to marinate on...give your feedback...but i can't promise you that i'll even give a damn...

QUOTE

Mynzeyes: she's just so consumed
Mynzeyes: in making "her own life"
Mynzeyes: that i'm being completely shut out
Mynzeyes: it's like
Mynzeyes: there's no line to differentiate between total involvement
Mynzeyes: and complete segregation.
Mynzeyes: it's one or the other.
Mynzeyes: so when i tryt o simply talk to her
Mynzeyes: i'm being nosey
Mynzeyes: because she's so amazed by the fact that she's "her own person"
Mynzeyes: it's like she's so ****ing thrilled
Mynzeyes: that i'm no longer there
Mynzeyes: like i was some huge burden on her
Mynzeyes: that now...she's free.
Mynzeyes: she's no longer a captive
Mynzeyes: and she "controls herself"
Mynzeyes: and it's just absolutely mesmorizing to think that i could have caused such anguish in her life
Mynzeyes: to make things so much ****ing better without me
Mynzeyes: i wish
Mynzeyes: i could just ****ING GET OVER IT
Mynzeyes: BECAUSE THIS DOES NOTHING FOR ME
Mynzeyes: all i do
Mynzeyes: is sit here
Mynzeyes: and ****ing stress over it
Mynzeyes: and it gets me ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
Mynzeyes: it makes me WORSE
Mynzeyes: but i do it anyway
Mynzeyes: i still...
Mynzeyes: would do anything in this ****ing world for her
Mynzeyes: i would still die for her
Mynzeyes: but she wouldn't even ****ing notice
Mynzeyes: and it eats me
Mynzeyes: from the inside out
Mynzeyes: until i will only remain a shell of a person
Mynzeyes: because i'm too weak to stop it
Mynzeyes: ok
Mynzeyes: let's put everything aside
Mynzeyes: except for me and her
Mynzeyes: and what we had.
Mynzeyes: what did i get out of this...
Mynzeyes: did i get what i wanted?
Mynzeyes: no
Mynzeyes: did i fail at my "mission" in life?
Mynzeyes: yes
Mynzeyes: did i lose everything i've ever had
Mynzeyes: and ever wanted?
Mynzeyes: yes
Mynzeyes: do i understand ANYTHING about it?
Mynzeyes: no.
Mynzeyes: did i learn anything?
Mynzeyes: yes.
Mynzeyes: what did i learn?
Mynzeyes: that there is nothing more to life than CONSTANTLY BEING DISAPPOINTED.
Mynzeyes: and constantly longing for that one bit of happiness
Mynzeyes: that is always right there...
Mynzeyes: but you just can't ****ing grab it
Mynzeyes: because to do that
Mynzeyes: would be to achieve
Mynzeyes: but once you achieve true happiness
Mynzeyes: there's no reason to live after that..
Mynzeyes: but the thing they don't tell you
Mynzeyes: is that being SO close to said achievement
Mynzeyes: and it moving away
Mynzeyes: constantly wears at your soul
Mynzeyes: and after so long...you have nothing left.
Mynzeyes: you don't know who you are
Mynzeyes: you don't know what you want
Mynzeyes: you dont' know where to go
Mynzeyes: you are lost...
Mynzeyes: which brings us to where i am.
Mynzeyes: lost.
Mynzeyes: soulless.
Mynzeyes: i have no motivation to do anything
Mynzeyes: seeking true happiness is seemingly endless
Mynzeyes: and mesmorizingly painful
Mynzeyes: throughout every step you must take.
Mynzeyes: soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Mynzeyes: i cry.
Mynzeyes: and i wish.
Mynzeyes: and i hope.
Mynzeyes: but all it does is dig me deeper into my abyss.
Mynzeyes: because my ship isn't coming back...
Mynzeyes: my ship seemingly doesn't notice that it's a man light...
Mynzeyes: it's like...
Mynzeyes: wishing that your deceased loved one would return
Mynzeyes: no matter what
Mynzeyes: nothing is bringing them back
Mynzeyes: but you can't help but wish
Mynzeyes: and think
Mynzeyes: and all it does is hurt
Mynzeyes: it solves nothing
Mynzeyes: but you just can't ****ing help it
Mynzeyes: because you're so attached
Mynzeyes: and no matter who tells you your anguish is futile
Mynzeyes: you don't care
Mynzeyes: because you feel so strongly about something
Mynzeyes: that it consumes your entire being
Mynzeyes: no matter how much you KNOW that things will never be the same
Mynzeyes: you dwell on how much you want it to be
Mynzeyes: people say...it's because of "comfort" with that person
Mynzeyes: or that situation
Mynzeyes: but they don't have a ****ing clue
Mynzeyes: sure it's comfortable
Mynzeyes: but that's because your heart, mind, and soul are intertwined with something
Mynzeyes: and to sever that
Mynzeyes: is to shred the threads of life...
Mynzeyes: much like the shearn sweater of yesteryear
Mynzeyes: such is your being
Mynzeyes: because of 1 single person
Mynzeyes: in a world of however many billion...
Mynzeyes: 1 person..possesses the power to destroy someone
Mynzeyes: from the inside
Mynzeyes: which is far far worse than any physical pain you could ever fathom
Mynzeyes: so...
Mynzeyes: i don't care
Mynzeyes: what other people think of her
Mynzeyes: no one knew her like i did
Mynzeyes: no one can change what happened.
Mynzeyes: no one can change the pain
Mynzeyes: the happiness
Mynzeyes: no one can understand my love
Mynzeyes: people can understand love
Mynzeyes: but they can never understand MY love.
Mynzeyes: and...neither will i...
Mynzeyes: as much as i don't want to, and know i shouldn't, and know it's not a good idea
Mynzeyes: but i wish
Mynzeyes: i wish she could see what i've told you
Mynzeyes: i don't know that she would even understand me
Mynzeyes: at all.
Mynzeyes: i'm drained...
Mynzeyes: mentally.
Mynzeyes: emotionally
Mynzeyes: and physically.
Mynzeyes: again.
Mynzeyes: sigh
Mynzeyes: i wish i could keep articulating myself
Mynzeyes: but
Mynzeyes: i just can't...

-John-

AIM==Mynzeyes

Mynzeyes

#2

i know i'm just depressed...so please don't just point out the obvious...

kthx..

AIM==Mynzeyes

Jen

#3

*sigh* you know that I'm always here for you..

YoungSurvival.Org-Celica traded for.. 350z.. traded for Mazda5.. soccer mom!

Mynzeyes

#4

-Jen+Nov 17, 2004 - 9:22 PM

QUOTE(Jen @ Nov 17, 2004 - 9:22 PM)

*sigh* you know that I'm always here for you..
[right][snapback]208349[/snapback][/right]

thank you. for everything.

-John-

AIM==Mynzeyes

Digndoug

#5

The best thing is, every day it ill hurt less and the next day less, and so on. soon you wont even think bout it. I was, like most here im sure, have been threw the same.. just dont let it get you down, you know where all here for ya bro... and trust me, it will get tons better, and you'll only be stronger.

FallenHero

#6

We're with ya John.

Mike

#7

I know exactly how you feel man, I went through this myself about a year ago, although we didn't last 6 years, we were madly in love for 3 years. I was in the EXACT same situation myself, and now it's a year after the fact. The best advice I could give you would be to use this time wisely. Now you're probably at rock bottom and I know how it feels (believe it or not), use this time to involve yourself at everything you're good at and everything that makes you feel good about yourself, for me it involved going to the gym and playing a lot of guitar. Surround yourself with your best friends (guys) and just know that one day soon you won't be feeling so sh!tty anymore, you'll be back to your great old self and you'll have learned a hell of a lot, and to top it all off, you'll have used all this negative energy and hace channeled it into something productive and you might become really awesome at something you love.. Don't let this wreck you man, you will rise above this, we all do.. Trust me, I've been through it myself.

dstrbcelica

#8

i <3 you john!

-dstrb

former celica owner.

x_itchy_b_x

#9

wow. john. that sucks. to bad she isnt realizing how much u care about her if u willing to put urself through all that. girls are confusing.

Visit My Automotive & Tech Blog.

fastgt

#10

i know people will drown you with the crap that there are better people out there and you will get over it in time and time heals crap...

only you know how happy you were and that you only want that person.

john i dont know you too well and weve only talked a few times but im sorry and i know what youre going through its happend to me before but all i can say is that in time you will find somebody that will make you alot happier that the last....i know it sounds like crap but its true... because i now found the woman i truly love and shes better than any woman i can possibly think of

again sorry bout the loss buddy hope you feel better

2011 Spice Orange Mini Cooper2011 Alpine White BMW E92 M3gone but not forgotten2008 Space Grey BMW Z4 ///M2009 Black Honda Civic LX Coupe2006 Magnetic Black Nissan 350Z2007 Crimson Red BMW 335i Coupe

thedevilmaycrie

#11

yo john forget about it ..... i know it hurts bro but just remember from the start to th end the journey is more important then the end or the start....

-DMC

chucho

#12

yeah relationships suck a## when they end badly specially after a long time. It goes away eventually. This happened to me in 02 and this week was the first time she tried to talk 2 me again, lol. But honestly your probably better off, dont know ur situation, but life goes on and you forget about it after awhile.

Girls wonder why us guys get so "hard" it's cause we put ourselves into relationships and stay faithful then after awhile they decide they have to go off and see what else is out there, wtf?? But I'm waiting for that girl that I dont have to worry about that anymore and she has to love the celi >

>

Akimbo

#13

Hey John, I love you man! You know we always talk and you can message me whenever you've got a problem.

Mynzeyes: wishing that your deceased loved one would return
Mynzeyes: no matter what
Mynzeyes: nothing is bringing them back

I will tell you from experience however, that I have not yet found a way to cope with the death of a loved one. The only cure is time.

Sometimes we live to beat the odds.-Ryanaim: rkgreen04

Yota

#14

you got that right...even then its still tough.

I can't believe that she'd really just disconnect from you totally if you've been together for 6 years.

How long has it been since you've broken up?

mr_dude

#15

Don't look at it as part of your life wasted. Whether or not you both move on if it was worth it then, it wasn't wasted.

Mynzeyes

#16

-Yota+Nov 17, 2004 - 11:56 PM

QUOTE(Yota @ Nov 17, 2004 - 11:56 PM)

you got that right...even then its still tough.

I can't believe that she'd really just disconnect from you totally if you've been together for 6 years.

How long has it been since you've broken up?
[right][snapback]208401[/snapback][/right]

"officially" for maybe 2 months? if that...

i just need to figure out how to let go...and not obsess over everything about her..and constantly imagining she's w/ some dude havin the time of her life...etc...

::shrug::

-John-

AIM==Mynzeyes

mr_dude

#17

Not going to try to say I can relate to the relationship, but I hear you on the

QUOTE

constantly imagining she's w/ some dude havin the time of her life

NEVERSTOP

#18

QUOTE

i just need to figure out how to let go...and not obsess over everything about her..and constantly imagining she's w/ some dude havin the time of her life...etc...

yea that **** sucks.. when me and ex broke up thats what I was doin NON stop... but time is the best cure - U know that john >

>

r u could just pick up an addiction >

> HAHA that always helps! mines that damn roulette table right now

The wheel.... the wheel.... haha

99 project version 3.0.. hello SEMA 2010 =)

jojobombiest

#19

I will seriously NEVER get women.

funnyboy117

#20

-jojobombiest+Nov 17, 2004 - 11:59 PM

QUOTE(jojobombiest @ Nov 17, 2004 - 11:59 PM)

I will seriously NEVER get women.
[right][snapback]208422[/snapback][/right]

Does anyone? Do they even know what they're doing to people like us when they end things like they do?

All I know is, my girl became THE FATTEST B**** after we broke up it wasn't even funny. Not to mention she started goin out with another guy two weeks later. And then he wanted to jump me.

But here I am...unjumped...and I don't care about that b**** anymore. So life gets better.

NEVERSTOP

#21

QUOTE

I will seriously NEVER get women.

hey john what was your theroy on girls agian? >

>

naw ment to add to this to my last post but got distracted:

bout of depression after the end of a long term relationship/friendship is normal..

sink into it.. relish in it... take it for all its worth.. feel the pain.. then get over it and move on... its a part of life that sucks but it diffently makes the good times better >

>

life is a roller coaster man... ups and downs

99 project version 3.0.. hello SEMA 2010 =)

Mynzeyes

#22

-NEVERSTOP+Nov 18, 2004 - 1:11 AM

QUOTE(NEVERSTOP @ Nov 18, 2004 - 1:11 AM)

QUOTE

I will seriously NEVER get women.

hey john what was your theroy on girls agian? >

>

[right][snapback]208430[/snapback][/right]

girls...

are fxcking stupid...

that's my theory.

-John-

AIM==Mynzeyes

BlackCelicaGT94

#23

sorry to get away from the real issue - but i see the resemblence

http://mynzeyes.myftp.org/smilies/off-topic2.gif

Anyways john - keep ur head up - THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON!

take this experience and learn from it

Cruisin down the street in my Infiniti...always lookin for my next trip to Sin City

Mynzeyes

#24

that's such a bad drawing... >

>. i did so much better on Andason. >

>.

-John-

AIM==Mynzeyes

BlackCelicaGT94

#25

i meant that :-)

Cruisin down the street in my Infiniti...always lookin for my next trip to Sin City

BlackCelicaGT94

#26

Ur sight entertains me john - incase u care

Cruisin down the street in my Infiniti...always lookin for my next trip to Sin City

Mynzeyes

#27

-BlackCelicaGT94+Nov 18, 2004 - 1:28 AM

QUOTE(BlackCelicaGT94 @ Nov 18, 2004 - 1:28 AM)

Ur sight entertains me john - incase u care
[right][snapback]208441[/snapback][/right]

i do, and thank you. i taught myself HTML just to make that stupid site. :x. cause jen was gonna charge me to code it...before she liked me. :x.

AIM==Mynzeyes

BlackCelicaGT94

#28

even if i liked u i still would charge u - cuz im broke :-)

Cruisin down the street in my Infiniti...always lookin for my next trip to Sin City

Blakout16

#29

mmm that was deep. i cant say like the others i've had that sammme feeling >

> but, i have got cheaten one once... that was sh*tty :-/. hey keep ur head up kid.

the 1/4 doesnt have patience for a ST.... so we make them ST-T's so atleast we'll sound good going slow.

timbo

#30

John, I am sure you know who this and the background between someone and I, how long it lasted.

With that being said, coming from my experience from that, the only way I got over that is finding both something and someone to take my mind off of her. After some time passed I can say I'm over her.

So, just find someone and or something and use them as your escape from the past and you'll pull through it. >

>

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