I've been in a relationship for a month now and it was going great until a week ago. Therefore I'd like to have everyone's opinion on this. Just put yourself in my position and hers and tell me what you think. I'll give you the facts and try to not leave out anything or to be biast because I want your honest opinion. I will show her the percentage of results to prove that my actions over this is justified because she claims I'm acting like an asshole. We are an hours drive away from eachother and I can't see her everyday because of her schedule with school and her mom because of her age (she is 18 in less than a month) and I'm 23.

Her Facts:
`Her ex-boyfriend still calls her
`He doesn't know about me
`When he calls, it is back to back until she answers
`He wants to get back together with her because he thinks she is single.
`She had a girl tell her that she was gonna beat her up today so she calls her ex wanting advice on how to handle the situation because he has been there before.
`He is violent towards other guys and doesn't want us to fight over her and claims it isn't my choice to tell him but hers and only hers.
`He has shown up to her house in hopes to get back together. They sat for like an hour with her family there.
`He is still number 2 on her myspace page where as I'm number 1. (I don't care about this, just stating).


My facts:
`I have 4 classes with a female friend
`My girlfriend doesn't like her (doesnt know her either)
`Her and I study together sometimes (very rarely) at the college campus' library, but only for a test, which is like everyother week if that, but not every test.
`We don't hang out or anything. (Friend and I)
`If I go to the library at all, she assumes I'm meeting up with the friend
`The friend and I only talk on the phone when she has missed a day of class and needs information on a test.

So far results have been from people I've asked are:
3 dump her (2 girls and 1 guy)

Note:
I made it loud and clear I didn't like him calling her and him not knowing about me long before this post, but now I'm just sick of it.

honestly think about this: she has a past with him, trust is a rough thing, jealousy is even worse *from both sides*, you have dated ONE month, and already a bad week, that is 25% of your rel. in the beginning is on bad terms... If she's not ready to tell her ex she's got a new guy, it could be a major hint that you and her aren't very serious at all and potentially she doesn't see it long term.... When it all comes down to it, no ones opinion matters but yours and hers.... end of story

kill the ex bf?

Does her myspace say in a relationship? If your #1 on her page, and it says IAR I'd think he already knows.

Trust is THE MOST important thing. If you dont trust her, theres going to be no future. Same goes with her. If she doesnt trust you for no reason this is going to end real fast.

Girls dont like other girls, period. They are way more competitive than guys when it comes to this sorta thing. Her not liking this friend is normal, but she cant be telling you that your lying about seeing her, not after a month. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period.

I selected both of you are wrong cuz honestly I dont think this should be shown to her unless you already said "I'm going to post this ..." I do think that if she's not telling people especially ex's that your going out I think this spells trouble.

If she doesnt tell her ex's or ex about her new b/f, I'd say dump her.

how long has she and the ex been split up? cuz if its been less than like 4 months this could just be a rebound for her... and to me it seems like she has been toying with the idea in her head for this past week, or maybe even longer

>
Thought about it :-D, lol, but not gonna go to jail for doing something stupid.

> Her myspace never changed even when they were broken up. So when they weren't together it still said In a Relationship so when we got to together that didn't change. All that changed was my position and his on the list. She is telling her friends that we are. Just not her ex and so far she has no intentions of doing so, which I donno why.

>They have been broken up for 3 months roughly now. So maybe I am a rebound.

Edited:
I doubt she will ever go back to him because of him cheating and she has already stated many times that she would never go back to him because it was a crap relationship. I know this because I asked.

This post has been edited by JonCars17: Dec 13, 2006 - 12:13 PM

IMo and personal expierience, your the rebound guy, which sucks, but its only been a month, and u hopfully arent too involved yet. I say cut her loose.

in the end your the only one that can make this decision no matter what anyone else here says. its only gonna get harder to make as time goes on.

I'm currently having this problem (sorta) mine as a few extra twists...but basicly after talking to some people shes just being a whore, so im kicking her ass to the curb. After my last "relationship" (if you could call it that, most people here know the story) ive adopted this mentality:

"chicks arent worth ****. when the right one comes along, there wont be ANY grey areas."

Good luck bro, not an easy decision to make, but the soooner u deal with it, the easier it will be in the long run, take it from someone whos put stuff off entirely to long, and had to deal with it for INCREADIBLY to long.

This post has been edited by devilsden97: Dec 13, 2006 - 12:35 PM

Here is your problem.


SHe is 17 yrs old.

ya both needs to lay everything on the table and work things out, if it doesn't work out... dump her. find someone else.

I honestly think you should give her the boot...

Its only a month, and usually thats enough time to figure out a lot of things you like and dont like about the person... By the sounds of it it seems like you found more bad then good for you.

The fact that she didnt tell her ex about you, that he's still in the picture even though he shouldnt be, and the fact that she's not being trustful when it comes to you and your friend... I think its immaturity (is that even a word? well it is now if it isnt lol) on her part... I think she's too young for ya... In my opinion, if you get mixed in with someone a lot younger than you, be prepared to basically go back in time to high school and all its stupid lil drama... thats just what I feel

hope everything works out for ya

^ agreed. go for a girl who isnt troublesome. if there is drama coming upo like that, something is up and there is hidden truth

I'm starting to think what alot of others are saying. Get rid of her. Seems like this is too much of a hassle this early on. Your better off just quitting before you get too attached.

>

bingo

seriously, 18 years old don't know anything about relationship. You need to grow up to realise that...Try older chick, at 23 you should'nt have to deal with that sorta "ex boyfriend ****". Dump her.

Here's my thoughts:

#1 Myspace is retarded, if you erased your account and never logged on again, your life would be better.

#2 If she cared about you, the relationship, and really wanted it to work (long term), she would not even want to talk to the ex BF.

#3 If it doesn't work out with your GF, you should date the girl you study with, she is a keeper (long term).

>

hahah hey now watch it

I'm 18... I use to be in the "kinda not really" similar situation JonCars gf is in... Except I told my my ex that I had a boyfriend which keep in mind i'm still with and we've been together a year. We even went through a period of not seeing each other for 2 months because my bf joined the army... I waited 2 months just for those 2 short days just to see him and I can honestly say I cant think of anything more amazing than those two days. I have been told numerous times that not many people could handle a relationship like this because its so hard to be away like that with lack of communication. Which it is... But it hasnt even effected us at all... in fact it made things stronger believe it or not... which is something I still dont really understand... hehe

But yeah... right after me and that ex broke up, I got with my current bf like 2 weeks later... My ex boyfriend kept calling and calling and stalking me basically, but I completely shut him out of my life. Which is what JonCars gf should have done...

I think it really depends on the person and their level of maturity, and not theyre age... Granted a lot of people 18 and under still dont know much, but there are some out there who are a lil different...

>

x2

The only thing a 23 year old should be doing with a 17 year old is something I shouldn't post on here, and that all depends on the laws of your state.

three words, bro.

not worth it.

tell her this, verbatim: look, [her name here]...i thought you were a little more mature than you are. i gave you too much credit, and that was my mistake. this highschool bs is a bit below me now, so i'm going back to my adult life...without you, your insufferable s**tc**k ex, or any of your s**t. call me when you grow up, ok?

I think it boils down to how much drama you want in your life. It's obvious that this is causing conflict, and I don't know about you, but there's only so much I'd put up with. (At this point in my life, I have a zero tolerance policy for "drama" anyhow) Really though, weigh the pros and the cons. If you are ready to deal with this day in & day out, then stick with her. But if you aren't...it's time to move on. I can promise you that even if this issue blew over and she told the ex boyfriend that she no longer wanted to talk to him, there would be something else that would come up in the near future. It has afterall only been one month. Immaturity and the inability to see how you feel about this has a lot to do with it. You need to be focused on other things more important, and not dealing with added stress and drama of a dysfunctional relationship. I mean that in the nicest possible way. I feel like if she really cared about you, she'd be working on this with you and not fighting you about it all of the time. Sounds fishy to me.

Not to mention the lack of trust. I have found this to be true though: If someone is constantly nagging you about something; chances are they're doing that very thing themselves. Think about that. She's always accusing you of being with your female friend, and yet she won't even tell her ex-boyfriend that she's no longer single? Hmmm.

I think you'd find you were a whole lot happier in the long run if you let this one go. I can promise you'd see that in a future relationship where there's trust and a whole lot less drama. Hopefully none. Best wishes to you. I hope you get it figured out & make the right decision.

Thanks for the comments keep them coming if you like. All comments are much appreciated

I say if you really like her keep with it. My bf and i have been together 2 months and im a very very jealous person and i got on his case about one of his girl friends who has been dating his friend for 3 years but she calls my boyfriend BOYFRIEND NUMBER 2 and im like UHH NO! and they both say its an inside joke and im like thats great but that inside joke didnt happen when i was around so no more of that crap. anyways my point is him and i had a rocky 3 weeks or so but things are perfect now and they got better.

I look at it this way...put up a bit of a fight for another month if you stay together great and if you dont then so what it was only a month or two of your time. ya know what i mean?


I see where shes coming from with the study partner of yours and I see where youre coming from with her ex. you both need to drop these people in ur life if you care enough about eachother.

This post has been edited by BlackCelicaGT94: Dec 13, 2006 - 7:55 PM

>

She won't drop him. She claims that she doesn't want him to hurt me because he has done it before (not me but someone else). I've already told her to just let him hurt me and that I want him out. It only makes this worse that I can't see her regularly. Oh and we had a argument yesterday so I went to the library to study with my friend because I felt like getting out and talking to someone, which I ended up talking about her the whole time. So she felt like going and seeing her ex. They talked and went out to dinner with her family.

Edited:
I was jealous before now I'm being pushed to be more and more jealous because of all of this ****.

This post has been edited by JonCars17: Dec 13, 2006 - 8:31 PM

well if shes not going nto get rid of him or atleast not talk to him then drop him. Whats up with the family having him around? my mom would be like uhh u shouldnt be bringing ur ex around and going to dinner with us if you have a bf

I agree with Natalie.

BUT. Here's my opinion. Girls lie. (So do boys.) But, really. Girls can "play" too. She might be with her "ex" behind your back. But she's covering it up so well that you don't know. I've done that before (I've obviously changed my ways).. but she could be doing this to you now. Or, she's only talking to her ex because she still has feelings for him.

Nonetheless, she seems very insecure as she is keeping her ex around, and gets upset/jealous when you hang out with your friend.

Knowing how upset she gets about your friend, I really think you should stop seeing her. Especially the part about talking to her at the library. I know that would make me upset.

You drop the "friend" and she needs to drop the ex. BOTH need to happen for the relationship to work.

If it doesn't, break up. Because it will only get worse from there.

read the ladder theory. It explains this, and most other, situation(s) quite well. If you do a search for the word "ladder" in off-topic, you will find a link.

get rich. build a spaceship. pimp out your spaceship. then have interstellar hotties dig your whip. bang the interstellar hotties. thats best advice i can give to you on girls.

>
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Ok, I'm starting to notice a bad trend here...

>


>


Should his gf stop talking to her ex-bf? Of course, that's common sense and nobody can argue with that. There is NO reason for him to stop hanging out with his friend. They are friends, and have never had a history before. You guys are basically saying that a relationship can't work if either people have friends of the opposite sex.
I can see where you might think this, because I used to think the same thing before I met my current girlfriend. But now, a lot of the friends I hang out with are girls, and my girlfriend has 1 or 2 good guy friends. And on top of that, my best friend happens to be a girl. The reason why this works, is because we trust eachother and we know better than to get jealous because once it roots itself in the relationship, it only gets worse from there. My gf makes me happier than I've ever been , and there is nobody I would rather be with, than her.

If the roles were reversed, I would be telling you to stop being jealous about her guy friend, and that it is completely innappropriate for you to be seeing your ex. I have a feeling that some of the girls in this thread are going to come back saying that it's not fair that he gets to keep seeing his friend, and while his girlfriend has to cut off ties with her ex. This argument would be ridiculous and would not have any sense to it because:
a) he doesn't have, and hasn't had any type of feelings for this friend
and
b) this is not true about his gf and her ex

So basically, keep being friends with your classmate, since there is NOTHING wrong about that. The only problem lies in her jealousy that is a direct cause of guilt, or insecurity. Both of which, are things that SHE needs to get over, as that is part of growing up.

This post has been edited by gt_driFFter: Dec 14, 2006 - 3:37 AM

^ well said!

Its not fair that he has to loose a friend just because his girlfriend lacks trust in him.

Trust I feel is what keeps a relationship at its healthiest. No one likes to be bogged down to who they can or cannot hang with... It has to be equal amoung the people sharing the relationship. If it goes unbalance and its not worked out... well then bye bye relationship.

Look, the whole point is she should have told her Ex that she has you. Her Ex should learn to respect her's and yours relationship. It's not the case that it's her choice who she wants to be with. The whole point is she already has chosen and it's you so he needs to stfu and back off. He needs to look at the facts which is that you and her are together already in a relationship. He is trying come in between and steal her. Also, she is insecure about the whole college friend thing. Alot of guys like to call that, "B*tch Act'n Stupid." You don't even call your college friend every freakin day like she does with her Ex. She should limit her calls with her Ex not only to NOT disrespect you but her own personal relationship with you as well. I understand that she is being "friends" with her Ex but you have to understand that Ex's don't usually make good friends becuz of everything they been through together he/she still holds onto. But it seems as if she hasn't gotten over her Ex yet and she is only using you as a rebound. And if that's the case, dump her. You don't need that crap. No one does. You ain't no baby sitter. You're better than that.

PS. This is the reason why I mostly go out with women. Not little girls.

This post has been edited by ExSane: Dec 14, 2006 - 3:53 AM